Because you asked
by Cazzy20
Summary: Aside from 'Not because of me'. Caius gets his revenge on Bella with a little help from Professor Aro.


**AN. I own nothing bur my strange imagination. **

**Enjoy.**

Bella and Caius walked arm in arm through the corridors of Volterra, Bella chatting about the conversations she had had with Gianna. Caius seemed slightly distracted or possibly amused at some unvoiced joke or comment she was not privy to.

With a sigh or was that a giggle Caius pulled Bella up outside a door she recognised. Aro's office. What was she doing here? She didn't remember Aro asking her to drop by.

The smirk on his face was smug and worrying. Bella knew he was up to something.

"Aro wanted to talk to you. I have some things to attend to so I will see you later." He said opening the door and ushering her inside. He closed it with a chuckle and walked away smiling to himself.

"Come in Bella dear. Please take a seat." Aro chirped happily pointing her toward a chair by his desk.

Bella felt her blood run cold, her eyes the size of saucers.

"No way. What the.. Oh! Somebody is going to pay for this. I'm going to rip his head off and stick it where the sun had never shone. I. AM. GOING. TO. FUCKING. KILL. HIM." Bella howled inside her head she didn't need to be turned to feel the venom flowing through her veins. She was going to dismember Caius slowly and as painfully as she could. "Oh he is going to pay for this. Even if it takes me forever."

Standing behind a magazine and book laden desk Aro was replete in black cape, black mortarboard hat placed squarely on his head and a cane pointer. "Oh god Caius you are going to pay for this." Bella hissed.

"Pardon dear? You look slightly flushed Bella. Would you care for a drink?" Aro questioned in his usual sing song voice, however , Bella was sure it was slightly higher in pitch and he was giggling excitedly.

"Flushed? No shit Sherlock" she thought as she managed to squeak out a "Yes please."

Taking the offered glass Bella slowly drank the liquid not really caring what it was whilst she looked around the office again.

All over the office were pictures and diagrams of penises and vaginas. Most looked like medical diagrams but some were quire clearly shots of porn. Bella had to cock her head to the side a couple of times to figure out what was going on in them.

Aro's desk was covered in medical text books, magazines and journals, as well as a few top shelf publications that would have made Bella chuckle if she wasn't so embarrassed and will to rip Caius head off and do a myriad of painful things to it and him.

Aro observed Bella with an almost manic grin, bouncing on the spot, barely able to contain his excitement.

"Pleas do not let this be what I think it is going to be" Bella thought as she sat down in a wooden chair that looked like some old school reject from the 1970's that was placed in front of the laden desk. Bella could feel her cheeks flame with mortification at what she dreaded was to come. "Oh god please no"

"Ah, Bella dear are you comfortable? Do you like the chair? I must admit it took some finding but we wanted you to feel comfortable, feel 'academic' I think was how Caius directed us.

"Oh, I will kill him" she thought yet again and not for the last time. At least she thought she only said it in her head but Bella was sure she was answered by a giggle from Aro. Aro was staring at Bella like the first time they had been introduced, like she was a brand new toy to be played with.

Mentally cursing herself for not being able to keep her flippant comments in her head what felt like a life time ago all she could do was nod. "I knew this was going to come back and bite me in the arse," Bella conceded but this was way beyond revenge. This was wrong, so wrong on so many levels. "I will kill him."

"I understand from Caius that you had some questions regarding vampire physiology." Aro began cheerily. "He and I discussed how best to answer your concerns and we felt that this lecture with visual aids to be the most appropriate method." He said with a sweep of his arms encompassing the room.

"Oh I bet he did." Bella thought wryly. Caius had probably been planning this revenge for weeks.

"Let us begin with a quick overview of human sexual practice. I assume you are familiar with the human reproductive system?"

She could only nod her head in response. So this is what a rabbit caught in headlights felt like. "Oh my god , it's the 'Reproduction' scene from Grease 2 all over again she thought. The words of the song suddenly filling her mind.

"Good. As you are aware during standard methods of sexual intercourse. The erect male penis is inserted into the female vagina." All the while he was using his pointing stick to highlight various diagrams and pictures. Some of which caused Bella to have serious questions about Aro's idea of standard sexual intercourse. "_Re-Pro-Duction_"

"After varying degrees of time, the male ejaculates semen for the purpose of finding and fertilizing as viable egg."

"The intercourse itself can of course take many, many forms. Clitoral and oral stimulation are often used, as are various accessories, positions and 'toys'." At toys, he emptied a box of sex toys on top of the books on his desk. Bella's eyes nearly jumped out of her head as she took in the vast array of vibrators, dildo's, butt plugs and stimulators as well as several items she couldn't even begin to recognise. It looked as though he had bought out the entire range in a sex shop. "Oh I will kill him" "_Re-Pro-Duction_"

"Reproduction for the vampiric female is impossible, the body must change and evolve to accommodate the growing foetus and this is not possible as our kind is unchanging. The same may not be said for vampire males. Human males, it is widely documented, stay fertile for far longer in their lives if not for their entire life span. In males 80 years old and older, 10% produce mature sperm."

"Ew, that is not an image I want imbedded in my brain." Bella thought while fighting down the sudden nauseous sensation rushing through her.

Aro continued cheerfully. "We do not know if the venom in our system would kill the egg first, but there are several legends and storied surrounding the production of hybrid children. Whilst I have seen nothing to prove it myself, it would be logical to believe that vampire males could father children."

"There are differences between human seminal fluids and vampiric semen. Heidi has done extensive research into said differences and reports that vampire sperm is smoother and thicker in consistency to human sperm as well as tastes sweeter, much less of the salty after taste."

Bella choked down the gulp of water she had just taken, managing not to spit it across the desk. "Oh I am SO going to KILL him."

"I wonder if she could be persuaded to investigate the difference in shape shifter body fluids." Aro said talking it seemed to himself. "Perhaps you could arrange an introduction with Paul?" He looked at her with an excited, calculating, almost manic gleam in his eyes.

"Well Paul is always up for a new challenge" she replied carefully.

"Up! Yes very clever Bella." Aro laughed while skipping across his office to a new diagram.

"As we know _Physiologically, erection is triggered by the parasympathetic division of the autonomic nervous system causing nitric oxide levels to rise in the trabecular arteries and smooth muscle of the penis. The arteries dilate causing the corpora cavernosa of the penis (and to a lesser extent the corpora spongiosum) to fill with blood; simultaneously the ischiocavernosus and bulbospongiosus muscles compress the veins of the corpora cavernosa restricting the egress and circulation of this blood. Erection subsides when parasympathetic activity reduces to baseline."_

Bella's eyes widened impossibly further. "Of course I knew that." She thought, "What the hell is he talking about?" "Caius you are dead."

"Simply put the muscles contract to fill the tissues with blood causing an erection." Aro continued as though she had understood every word.

"In vampire males the same thing happens. While we do not have blood in our veins we do have venom. It is thicker and less fluid than blood. It is pushed through the body by the contraction and expansion of the muscle tissue as we move. If however we were to stand still for a long period of time it would not all sink to our feet." He laughed loudly to himself, "Imagine that, vampires rooted to the spot, unable to move, with huge swollen ankles."

He found that thought hilarious apparently.

Bella waited patiently as he pulled himself together. It took longer than she would have expected.

"Basically, in an involuntary and automatic response to sexual attraction nitric oxide causes the muscles to contract, pushing venom into the arteries and tissues. Thus making the penis erect. That is how we "get it up" as it were."

Bella was close to tears with mortification. Aro was oblivious apparently and skipped across his office to yet another diagram in full flow.

"Let us continue onto more specific sexual practices and techniques."

"What the fuck!" Bella thought in utter panic. She tried to stand to leave the room.

"Oh no dear. My lesson is not yet complete." Aro smiled wickedly. "_Where does the pollen go?"_

Several hours later a shell shocked Bella was sitting in her room trying to read. It had been the most horrific and traumatizing afternoon of her life thus far. The full to bursting box of sex toys on the table in front of her beside her untouched food. Aro had 'kindly' given them to her and she really had no appetite.

Bella found the reading soothing, helping to take her mind off the afternoons 'lecture'. Stephen King's 'IT' was the perfect antidote.

She had learned far more about Aro and Sulpicia's sex life than she ever, EVER needed to. She wanted brain bleach or something to get those terrifying images out of her mind. Hopefully the change would erase all of this for her, hopefully, please.

"Good afternoon?" Caius asked nonchalantly as her entered the room and walked toward the box on the table.

"I hate you." Bella whispered.

"I know." He replied whilst poking through the box with his index finger.

"I will get you back." She said, her voice slightly stronger.

"Oh, I know that as well." He paused in his investigation of the contents of the box. Picking up a set of handcuffs and twirling them around his finger he looked her straight in the eye and advanced toward her.

"Are you ready for your practical then?"

Grabbing a particularly large and painful looking, sparkly, glass object from the box Bella chased him into the bedroom.

"Oh yes I'm ready"

"_Where does the pollen go?"_

**AN. All writing in italics is either from wikipedia or Grease 2. Especially the long medical terms. This is a theory for giggles. If I ever meet a hot sexy vampire I will be sure and ask him for the truth.**


End file.
